Song of Victory

prayers please

starting bible studies with my parents and while they do seem receptive, they also seem rock solid in their beliefs.  pray for them and that the Holy Spirit would move in their hearts.  

PRAYERS PLEASE.  

signs

i’ve heard a ton of times that everything in the bible is a sign pointing to Christ and God.  but i don’t think i really cared.  today while i was reading, i had the revelation that everything i’ve read so far in the old testament pointed to Christ and God (i’m at nehemiah).  i care a lot more now.  

i don’t know what this does for me right now, but i think i need to let this run in the back of my head for a bit.

home

i guess this is kind of late seeing as i’ve been home for a couple days.  but all the same, it’s a strange feeling being in the house that you grew up in.  

one thing i noticed in particular is that i don’t quite feel at home anymore.  yet at the same time, i feel as if i’ve never left.

being back in my room makes it super easy to fall back into my old habits from when i was agnostic.  just being here is almost like a drain on my spiritual life.  in psychology i learned that the environment in which you learn something helps you remember it as well.  it’s called encoding specificity.  and i’m getting hard core encoded (…?)  by my old patterns of sin.  particularly sloth and lust.  temptations here are about 5 times worse than back at cmu.  while i can still vchat with friends and whatnot, i’m not getting the spiritual support that i had.  yay utter dependence on God!  imma have to rely on him 24/7 if i want to get through the battle everyday.  

also on the negative side, it’s only the third day here and i’m not carrying out my mission like i should be.  last night i told my mom to read the bible in passing.  that’s all i’ve done so far.  why can’t i just man up and explain to them what happened to me and what i want to happen to them?  God, You’re going to have to help me big time on this one.  

on the positive side, it looks as if my church will have a lot for me to do.  

please pray for me.  that i keep my eyes focused on Christ and His mission for me.  

spew (not the house-elf kind)

these last couple weeks have been interesting to say the least.  i’ve realized how immature i still am.  i’ve realized that i’m still weak, and that i haven’t been growing nearly as much as i thought i was.  which is fine.  it gives me a new appreciation for the seniors that are leaving.  so much knowledge, so much experience is leaving next year.  i want to spend all the time that i can with them, but everyone is busy (including me).  that’s fine though.  we’ll see each other some day, and if not, we’ll see each other in heaven.

i’ve been realizing that my relationships with people are broken.  especially with my family.  with summer around the corner, i’m called to start ministering to them again.  is that weird?  even Jesus was rejected at nazareth (mark 6:1-5)… i seriously envy the people who have Godly parents.  i wish that i could go home and still have spiritual support.  actually i just realized that when i go home i will be in a constant battleground.  i’ll be constantly ministering to my family, my church, my friends… but that’s also fine.  God has me as his. i can do all things through Him who strengthens me (philippians 4:13).

but at the same time, i’d like to ask for prayers from all of you.  

-pray for my family, that they would be among the elect
-pray for my church, that they would understand the value of Christ
-pray for my friends, the believers and non-believers.  everyone needs Christ
-pray for me.  there’s still so much off about me that i’m still just beginning to understand.  i feel like the more i know about myself, the more i realize how much grace i need.

there’s a lot to do at home.  and not much time to do it.  i need to constantly be intentional about my relationships.  there’s a sense of urgency that i’ve been missing lately (mark 13:32-37).  wherever i go, i must be on a mission (mark 16:15-16).  to be condemned for eternity is unimaginable.  and what’s worse is when i have the chance to show them salvation and choose not to.  

where have i been these last couple weeks?

what can i do for You?

i have a lot of responsibility for next semester.  and the semester after that.  a lot of leadership positions.  and it’s all for God.  but sometimes i seriously wonder

 what am i actually doing for You, Lord?

knowing God puts everything in perspective

what can i say right now?

what am i feeling?  i don’t really know.  i want to hang out with God more.  

Heavenly Father

thanks for working in my life.  i can’t describe the amount that You’re blessing me.  thanks for wrecking me.